We've all heard about the book that's flying off the shelves titled, "He's Not That Into You." While it states the obvious, it’s quite an entertaining little read. We all know what to do when our men aren't into us: Drop him like he's hot (no pun intended). Well, what exactly happens when he is TOO into you? Read along and discover that you're actually not alone in the suffocating world of clingy boyfriends.
LW:
Contrary to popular belief, it is not always girls who tend to fall head over heels first. In our quest for finding Mr. Right we find ourselves in many different predicaments. We're either just biding our time with Mr. Right Now or we are really trying to figure out if this could be the person we have searched for our whole lives. I suppose 95 percent of the female population is used to getting treated like last years dog crap ran over twice. We are used to giving our all, just to fall short of being the best thing that walks into our guys’ lives. Then it happens. A turn of events, a moment captivated by disbelief when we find ourselves not having to do all the chasing in a relationship. We can sit back and relax. Then it comes to our realization that this guy is just TOO CLINGY! Sure some may say, “Women are never satisfied.” But come on, guys. You have known this girl, what, five seconds? Chill out. You don't have to be automatic best friends with her friends. You don't have to meet the parents and you sure as heck don't have to leave little notes proclaiming your sincere affection and devotion to her. Let all those moments reveal themselves in time.
TB:
As a general rule, guys don’t get clingy. If they’re “into you” they’ll call, they’ll ask you out, and they’ll want to hang out with you. Eventually, if it all works out, they will tell you they love you and perhaps perhaps perhaps after a while of getting to know one another they’ll ask you to marry them and be the mother of their children. This is acceptable boyfriend behavior. So when does it cross the line into asphyxiating? Here are a few examples of clingy (from my personal files):
- Telling a girl you love her on your first date. (Did anyone else feel the air suddenly sucked out of the room or was that just me?)
- Calling at 6 p.m. with the expectation of talking until 11. (I guess you don’t have any interests outside of me… Can anyone say “stalker”?)
- Incessantly calling her cell phone when you know she’s out/busy just to say “I don’t know why you even want to go out. You should want to stay home and talk to me.” When she finally stops answering, leaving whiny voicemails about how she must not really love you. (Dating two weeks at this point, poindexter.)
- Leaning over while she’s trying to drive (yes, I was driving) and clutching her arm, then pouting when she tells you it’s irritating. (There’s a difference in holding hands and pulling off my right arm, ass.)
- Sending 1500 emails a day saying “I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.” (C’mon, man, that’s just ridiculous. We all like to hear it, but only when we reciprocate the feeling. And even then we don’t want to hear it 500 times in succession, making our eyeballs/eardrums bleed.)
- Sending a letter professing your “undying, legend-worthy love” (his words, not mine – the f’king drama queen) twice a week doused in cologne and expecting the same in return. (We should all buy stock in Calvin Klein.)
- Proposing marriage after two months. (It just doesn’t happen like it does in the movies, so please save your wretched romantic ideals for someone who’s buying them.)
When I’m with a guy, I want him to be a MAN. Act like a man. If I wanted to date a girl, I’d be a lesbian.
I’m not saying I want a guy to walk all over me and treat me like crap. I want love and respect just like any other woman does. I just don’t want all the baby-talk bullsh*t that comes with a clingy boyfriend. I want my space. The last thing I want to be known as is “so-and-so’s lap dog” and I certainly don’t want a guy to be mine. I want exclusivity and intimacy without overdosing on each other’s company. (A bit difficult to manage in a distance situation, but do-able.)
I have a friend who's in a situation like Trippin' Billy’s old one. Her boyfriend leaves her little notes all the time, tells her he misses her two minutes after he just saw her and wants to be with her every waking minute of the day. Once you start doing something over and over, it doesn't become as special. She's lucky to have him, I must say. She's very used to dating jerks and been through a lot in her life, but finally a good one comes around. Sometimes she's confused and she doesn't know what to do. Clingy boyfriends aren't necessarily a bad thing if you're a clingy girlfriend. I believe everyone needs time alone. Otherwise, you're going to drive each other straight up a wall. I just think if you're not completely happy, then realize that good things come to those that wait. :) One day there will be someone who gives you that feeling, that feeling that only true love can give you. Wait for that person. They're out there. When you find it... you'll know.
TB:
Very special. But the topic here is guys who are too clingy. Guys who are too clingy have the uncanny ability to think that any girl is “the One” for them. I heard a really good line (in a movie trailer – yes, it’s trite to quote a movie trailer, but just hear me out) the other day. It said, “If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking.” Everything happens so fast and it’s wonderful and beautiful, and there are things all around us telling us that “this is sooo right!” Now, I believe in signs from God just as much as the next zealot, but just because the leaves on the trees made you think of some obscure poem you know from college whose author happens to have a surname that’s similar to my third cousin’s doesn’t mean we are fated to be together. It means you are chemically imbalanced. Stay away from me, stalker.
It all boils down to chemistry. You’re either compatible or you’re not. Somewhere out there is a girl who will want to drive and always pay and have her arm dislocated at the shoulder by a clingy boyfriend. Keep him on his meds, honey, and remind him that I will have that restraining order enforced should he forget his place.
LW:
If my friend in this situation actually breaks up with her boyfriend, I don't think it's not because she's just not that into him. I think she's scared to actually let herself fall for someone and also it may be because of his crazy ex-girlfriend (refer to previous blog entry about ex-girlfriends). She doesn't like smashed pumpkins in her yard or notes given to him by his ex. Give her some time. She'll sort it all out. She knows what a wonderful guy he is, and if it's meant to be, it'll most definitely happen!
Remember; take care of yourself and each other.
24 comments:
You guys are SO funny and SO honest! I completely agree with Trippin' Billy. I have a clingy boyfriend, who I believe has sucked in all the air in the universe, and now, everywhere I go, I feel as though I can't breathe. Don't get me wrong -I love him, but he's seriously more omnipresent than iPods.
Anonymous - I will tell the girls.
Thanks for this. I've been known to be too hard on myself, and lately I haven't been too sure if my boyfriend's a clingy freak or if it's all in my head. I need to stop lying to myself, he's a clinger. He's a sweetheart and I know he's not trying to be insane (or at least I'd like to think...) so I like him, but he's just so clingy!! And so almost everything he says drives me insane. Oh man...what am I going to do?
So what do you do if your boyfriend is clingy? Would it be wrong to leave him? What if the clinginess makes you feel nothing but irritated all the time? I'm 19 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs. I use to be clingy. Now that I'm not, he is. It really stresses me out. And he's in denial about being clingy. If I'm out with friends he's constantly texting or calling, if I don't respond within 2 min then that means I must be interested in another man, or he's not important to me. If I'm working all day and don't text or call him then that means Im not a good mature girlfriend. If I'm too tired to hang out and just want to be home relaxing then that means I don't love him enough because I could be relaxing at him and his fathers house. I love him but I just don't know how to handle it. I don't want to hurt him. I have no friends because he wants to be included in every single thing I do. Fuck I can't take this. And I've never had any adult figure to teach me what a relationship should consist of.
My clingy boyfriend says he loved me the moment he saw me. Constant texting. Has to be included in everything. He is obsessed with son's girlfriend. Has no boundaries. I feel I am walking through murky water. Give me space. I am suffocating. felt guilty, now feel SO IRRITATED with him all the time. He tries to say the right thing to avoid any confrontation so i don't really know him. If I want to play golf he wants to. If I want to sit up all night he wants to. He lets people abuse him. Show me a man, with standards, boundaries, his own beliefs. I have tried to break up. He says he will wait for me. What should I do. Get out obviously. Feel I owe him an explanation but I just dry up can't get it down even on paper. What to do!
well, this blog is not helping.. I wanted to check the signs of a clingy bf.. and this came up. I was hoping against hope that my bf is not..God knows I love him, but he does not.. I dunno how in hell did he turn out to be so insecure.. When I fell for him.. he seemed to be a confident, smart, funny and INDEPENDENT guy.. When I told him he's killing me with all the love.. he says this is how its supposed to be.. I love him.. and am dreading to spend the rest of my life with a guy who puts in more effort into a relationship than I do.. Its such a big imbalance.. I keep drowning and he is left feeling inadequate.. What do I do??
I have a boyfriend who is too clingy and wwwaaaaayyyyy too jealous. All day, everyday, he is practically glomping me! I never have my own air to breath. I never have girl time or me time. If we don't hang out or make out everyday, he thinks that I don't love him and gives me the whole guilt trip thing. Not only is he clingy, but super jealous. Every time I laugh or have fun with another guy, he tells them the back off and to stay away from me. And we practically have nothing in common. Me, being the outdoors and adventurous girl, him being the stay inside all day and prim and proper guy. I dont know what to do D:
HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS TO MY BOYFRIEND ?!?!? SOMEONE HELP PLSSS x x
I'm glad that I'm not the only one experiencing this stuff. Mu boyfriend and I have been dating for two weeks and he's constantly telling me that he loves me, shows up everywhere, texts my phone every second of the day (and I'm barely on my phone, so he gets upset when I don't reply) and always wants to hang out. It's very frustrating because he IS a good guy, but all the baby talk and smuthering is making me want to avoid him..
I am in the same thing but worse because we do the same job we work construction and travel the country so its hard to get away from him.we work long hours and when we get home i was want to chill.he wants to start drinking and i dont drink.and by 9tues at night he is drunk and starts up with why dont you love me why dont you wanna be with me.thank god we work at different ends of the building and work differnet hrs so i drive my own car.i am seriouly thinking of leaving him when this job is done i just cant take it anymore.he does do nice things like buys me flowers and just bought me a ring that i seen at a pawn shop that i was gonna buy for myself. Its just my birthstone ring.i cant go anywhere without him up my ass it is driving me crasy.he constantly tells me he loves me and i have not said it back cuz i dont feel that way .
I have a clingy boyfriend and he's driving me insane. Is it time to say goodbye? I don't know. A big problem is that the people that surround my everyday life seem to have some kind of super sensitive relationship radar. The unsolicited advice that is flying around me makes me feel like I'm stuck in a vortex. I think the biggest thing about a clingy guy that is annoying is their disrespect for you. They want you to love them dammit!, they don't care about your feelings! And if you pair that with this gem of forcibly shared knowledge "married couples don't actually like each other, they just have learned to put up with one another". Then it's no wonder it's so confusing.
If you love them (really love them) then sure, they annoy the hair off your head, but you'll work it out. If you don't, you don't, and not matter how much you wish it it won't come true. Call me a romantic, but I just can't believe in till death I shall remain annoyed. If I'm going to be in a committed relationship I don't want it to be the one where I'm being committed for poking his eye out with a fork to distract him for five minutes.
Fuck you all just be grateful for what you have. Yes it's annoying when your boyfriend is clingy and yes it's eating up into your personal space but one day when he's gone, then will you idiots start missing the fella. You'll start to miss all the little things he does for you. Then you will start to regret not giving your attention to him while you still can. In my opinion, always think why he does that? Maybe it's his past that shaped him into what he is right now. If a guy who you met for two weeks tells you he loves you. Then yes that guy is a creep and falls in love too easily. What I'm talking about is those who've been with a guy for long period of time. You should be grateful because it shows that he is devoted and he is proving to you that his love shall not fade like what others say. He is constantly showering you with affection so that you know he is not those typical guys who gives up the chase after they have you. And at times it's good to see from his point of view. Maybe he does that to get your attention as you have been not been giving enough lately. It's not about a man acting like a girl. But it's about a man who cares and wish to be treated the same.
I wasn't really going to comment at first but it sounds so like my last relationship that I just can't even process the irony. Especially the one about calling at 6 pm and expecting to talk until 11pm.
To make matters worse, he'd whine if I tried to hang up with him! Granted, I could understand if we had only talked ten minutes, but this was after nearly THREE HOURS. He seemed to not understand I had interests and hobbies outside of him and even if I didn't , sometimes I just needed a frickin break from nonstop chatter. Even me and my best friends don't talk for three hours. Certainly not every day like he wanted to.
He was also saying I was 'the one' after the first day. I know. I know. I should have run. But he was nice, he was handsome and we hit it off well. And you feel what you feel, right?
The death of this relationship though was that he could not understand how uncomfortable I was. I didn't want to break up with him, I just wanted him to dial it back a notch so I could catch up. I also felt guilty all the time that I couldn't reciprocate. Yes, I thought he was great and there was chemistry but I was not ready to profess my undying love after two weeks. So, he reels me in with all this ' all right, we'll slow down...we'll be good friends, best friends and see where this goes...'
A day - day! - later he was at it again and that's when I cut it off.
I'm not saying the guy was bad or evil but he definitely had some issues. If a relationship is effecting your mental well being, I say get out while you're still sane. I don't want to be alone forever, but it's still highly preferable to putting up with that bullshit again. I'd rather be single than ever go through that again. Hell, I LIKE being single. Maybe I need to find a guy that likes being single too and it'll come together! lol
I was involved with someone like all the above comments. Only word to describe them is sociopath/psychopath. They are killer of your sense of well-being. They will drown you, and control your every move if you let them. And, it never gets better! My advice is LEAVE them immediately. Don't look back, and don't have contact with them. At all!
I was involved with someone like all the above comments. Only word to describe them is sociopath/psychopath. They are killer of your sense of well-being. They will drown you, and control your every move if you let them. And, it never gets better! My advice is LEAVE them immediately. Don't look back, and don't have contact with them. At all!
Hey girls, I know it's mostly sounds like a girl's blog, but interesting anyway, I'm a guy I met a girl a couple months ago at a bar, she was the one who initiated convos, she's pretty for me inside and out as Ive got to know her, we've been really close like really closed, I've never met someone like that before, we hooked up, she introduced me to most of her girl/guy friends, even her daughter like im that guy, don't get me wrong I love the woman and appreciated the fact that she did all this and I got her friends approval somehow ,we hung out, we made cook out, all this was because she asked me to do those, as I felt for her I've been always available for her even change my work schedule so we could be close to each other, it as started like that she don't want me to go to the place we met anymore because she found it to cheesy, I did so, she flipped for the most single things she's mad at me and the next few hours she would apologize and I did too just to keep it calm, and we hugged, kissed ...you know, I feel big-time for her and she shown me the same, saying I love you to each other and texting/talking pretty late at night when I'm home, all of a sudden she started telling me I'm around for too much, she didn't expected that, we go to fast and all that, she needed a break, we can see sometime but not that routine, OK ...I felt like I was trying to take her where we came from in the beginning to refresh the friendship, text her good morning, ask her for her night and greet her a good day at, she still cold and I was playing it hard to see if was being clingy, since she was the one into this and now when I started feeling for her in the time I need her more, she's not available for me,,, im emotional and I hardly play the NC cause I can't, I don't private her at all but when it come to my time with her, I don't have that for about a month, she acted depressed but never need my presence but always have time for other friends and talk about what she's doing with them as fun, im not jealous of her moment, but im worried that she might don't need me anymore like she made it clear, was I clingy for trying to fit her expectation cause I've never try to spy on her and she was the one acting jealous in the first place, girls, what's your opinion...?
Just got out of a relationship exactly like you all described. It was great at first, he'd text me during the day, send me sweet goodmorning texts, etc. I liked knowing that he was consistent, but over time it got to be too much. He kept wanting more from me, got mad when I didn't reciporicate on his level. He told me he loved me shortly after we met (that was a warning sign I shouldn't have ignored), said we were soulmates, he wanted to marry me. I kept saying "slow down!" but he didn't get it. Eventually I felt so suffocated by his need for me that I was thinking about leaving for months before I finally did. I feel so much better now, but he hasn't stopped writing me letters confessing his love, blaming me for leaving such a great guy, I'll never find another guy like him, etc. The truth is he is a wonderful guy--for someone else who is just as clingy as him. The clinginess, the controling--killed all the romance for me, it just felt like work. I felt trapped and unhappy and couldn't explain it. So my advice, girls, leave, you'll find someone who makes you so much happier. Don't settle for less.
y boyfriend and I have been dateing for 6 months, and I truly do love him. I fell inlove with him because he wasn't a clingy jerk face like my ex boyfriends. I have broken up with my previouse boyfriends because they were to clingy. For 6 months he was not one sign of clingy until yesterday and I notice the signs that he is clingy. We haven't kissed and I want to kiss him. He just out of the blue started to be clingy. telling me he loves me more and more then usual, touchy and huggy more then useal, in my face baby talking started when it never happened before. I forget lots of times what storys I have told most of the time and he will tell me I already said that and then get in a mood of being mean for a few seconds and then stop and be nice. He was more of a man then a guy I dated that was 4 years older than me and now it all went away in a day. I don't get Why it happens to almost all guys I date. I love him and I am not going to break up with him but I just want to know why this is happening?
I'm one of the girls who found herself a clingy guy. Dating for 2 weeks now, but it's suffocating me. He's my first boyfriend so I kinda tried to adapt a bit. And we found a compromise of having at least one day to ourselves instead of being together. Besides that I also work at least 2 days in the week, which relieves some stress.
But on the days we are apart he texts NON-STOP and when I don't answer I'm suddenly ignoring him.
From day one he said he loved me the moment he saw me and never wants to lose me.
I've tried talking to him and just today even, he promised to change.
I love him, so I want to believe him, but a part of me just feels like it won't change.
It's also painfully obvious to me that he loves me way more than I love him. I feel comfortable around him yes, I like being with him, but I thing the claiming and clingy-ness way outways the good parts...
Guess I'll lose my first boyfriend very soon this way...
My boyfriend and I have been together 3 days, during the process of which he has told he loved me yesterday (I just ignored it and didn't say anything) always wants to hang out and texts me continually. Fortunally we're in different year groups at university and have different friendship groups so I still get lots of space but he's already mentioned me meeting his parents soon... If it gets worse I don't know what I'll do. I'm not in love with him, I just like like him so I often feel bad that he likes me more than I like him. I don't know what to do...
I have a very interesting predicament, My boyfriend(we've been together for over a year now), is getting very clingy. I love him, but I'm afraid his constant calling and wanting to be with me is driving my up a wall. I also think he himself might be going through some sort of phase? I've been wanting him to talk to a counselor, but he refuses to, He doesn't talk to his friends anymore, He doesn't have very much drive to do anything. He makes me feel guilty every time I have to leave for work or school. I Love him, and I don't want to see him sad or hurt, but honestly I'm not sure how much I can take. Your discussion has given me quite some insight as to the steps to take to resolve this matter, I have no intention of breaking it off with him.
I have a problem right now with feeling smothered. I go back and forth in my head because he doesn't fit the usual criteria of being clingy but he does expect me to see him at least 5 times a week when I have my own life. He also does have a life of his own. He has friends and does do activities but I feel like when I get free time, he will constantly text me hoping I spend the free moment with him. The other day, I was home studying and I told him that's what I was doing. When he got off work early, he brought me flowers and wanted to hangout. I felt like my time and boundaries were not being respected or that he thought if he brought flowers, then suddenly I would of course want to hang out. It really rubbed me the wrong way. I am in grad school and the work can be a huge struggle so I need my study time. He was trying to be sweet but really it just made me rush around the rest of the day. Deep down, I keep hoping for a magical quick fix but a part of me knows that can't happen... I care for him and he is an amazing guy but I am not enjoying the relationship anymore. I feel like all the energy is being sucked out of me. He is great, I just wish he would change but I know you can't really change people...
It’s no secret that a man’s ego has a powerful pull on him.
In fact this hardwired need to impress and to WIN is so deeply embedded into the male mind...
That nearly everything a man truly desires is based around this biological “drive” to prove, succeed and to win.
It’s why so many men become workaholics, gym junkies or become obsessed with their hobbies.
But what most women don’t know...
...is how deeply this “drive” is connected to his love, desire, and attraction for the woman in his life.
And I’m about to show you how you can “tap into” a man’s ege to refocus that same drive and gut level obsession...
...on pleasing you, romancing you, and proving his love for you like you’re his sole purpose in life.
Here’s how: ==> The “Go Ahead” Signal That Makes Him Obsessed With Winning Your Love
Mr Gix
P.S. When you tap into a man’s ego this way, you can cause him to literally become obsessed with proving his love for you. So please don’t use this on a man unless you are ready for something serious.
Thanks again.
i was shock and heart broken few months back when i found out my husband cheating was on me with with some from hiswork We’ve been married going on 4 years. 2kids. lots of amazing moments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much.he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my only friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having taking my husband from me? Not my fiancé, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of lady he is seeing at work... and he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i good testimony about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together and make him fall 100% in love with me again, at first I was scared but i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband is back to me, apology and begging for forgiveness,my marriage is save and my husband is showing me love more then ever before, happiness is back in my home all thanks to this Genuine man prophet ogidi of MIRACLECENTER110@GMAIL.COM.
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